Wednesday, July 8, 2009

What the hell

I'm starting over. This used to be a podcast about depression. It used to be a blog about depression. I am still depressed. I still need to write about it even though my podcast has podfaded and my blog has been abandoned.

One of the things that my therapist said I should do when I'm alone and thinking disturbing thoughts is to sit down and write about them. So, that's what I'm going to do.

I've cleared out all of the old shows and posts and I'll be evolving this page when I get the chance. I make the excuse that I don't have any time to write anything, so don't be surprised if I make that excuse again! I love to make excuses for my failures. Funny, since failure is something I'm afraid of, apparently--according to my therapist.

I'm pissed off or sad most of the time and right now I'm in a happy medium between the two. Some people keep a mood journal. I suppose that might be what this is supposed to be.

I don't have much time since I have to go pick up my little boy from Parent's Morning Out. See, there I go making excuses again!

I used to be a good writer. I used to write every day. I've even been published several times. Since my depression was diagnosed, I've not written anything worth reading. Are you still reading now?

Fuck. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being anxious. I'm fed up with being sad and confused and not able to make decisions. I'm not thinking clearly and haven't been thinking clearly in years. I walk around in a fog and bump into my troubles with my forehead.



I did do something positive for the depression community yesterday: You can hear me on freetalklive.com on 7-7-09 talking about how depression is a real disease and not a figment of our imaginations. I think Ian toned down his rhetoric after having me on, if I do say so myself.


Gotta split.

I promise myself to spit out more written gore on a regular basis.

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